Tag Archives: weight loss journey

Journaling

As a new week and a new month are beginning, I am once again embarking. It’s cold and crisp here with fresh powdery snow on the ground. I am thankful for a new beginning in my journey to freedom.

I’ve begun journaling about this path and I want to share some of what I write here. I’m also keeping a food journal at the same time to hopefully become more aware of what and why I eat as I do.

I wrote the following yesterday:

Tomorrow is Monday. January feels like it has been one long binge. I feel terrible. Unhealthy, uncomfortable and gross.

Issues must be addressed. Change must happen or I will eat myself into an early grave.

I’ve been waiting for some magic to happen, for me to suddenly “get it”. Instead my habit patterns and behaviors have jest become more engrained and set.

I know that there is a mix of addiction, habit patterns, laziness and fear at work.

What’s the “solution”? How can I get free? For the long-term, for the rest of my life?

I have a feeling that this will be a life-long battle. That scares me and makes me sad, but I know that it is most likely the truth.

I know that a diet is not the answer despite the fact that my biggest struggle is with food.

My ultimate dream and desire is that I will eat healthy tasty foods in moderation, in response to hunger. That I would be able to enjoy food without being a slave to food.

I am praying that if I invest the time now – the effort, the hard work – that one day I will move into maintenance mode. I don’t doubt that there will always be a struggle, but I pray that it won’t be so intense.

So, can I do this on my own or do I need help? I don’t know.

I was wrong, but I was right…

So my last post was all about feeling inspired and excited about the future and being positive. And then the next day happened. Nothing major, no horrible events, just life. I felt gross, I felt sick, I felt defeated and discouraged. So what did I do? You bet, I ate. For about four days, I just didn’t care. I counted no calories, I read no labels.

I still made better choices than I usually do when I go into binge mode, which makes me hopeful and happy. I didn’t give up, I knew that I was going to continue the journey. I didn’t eat until I was sick. I still exercised for five days last week. I got a lot done in my home. I did not lose myself to the binge.

So I was wrong in some ways, my first big battle came sooner than I had hoped it would, but I was right in that the face of the war is changing. I’m changing. I have better weapons, I’m getting stronger.

We’ll see what my weigh-in holds for me on Wednesday. I’m back to making good choices, counting those calories. I’m continuing the journey. I’m thankful for change.