This is hard. I’m struggling today. I know that it’s just one day, this too shall pass. I’m a bit weary. I’ve eaten in a bingeing fashion. Not tons and not for hours, but it happened.
I think my trigger was that I skipped breakfast because I was busy. That started me thinking that I deserved to have something extra. So I ate some cold pasta which is one of my favorite things, then I put it away. Then I got it back out of the fridge and finished it off. I also had a bowl of cereal and some nachos. I stopped.
I stopped. That’s the thing. I stopped. I’m not sick-full. I stopped. I could have gone so much further as I have often done in the past, but I stopped.
So my last post was all about feeling inspired and excited about the future and being positive. And then the next day happened. Nothing major, no horrible events, just life. I felt gross, I felt sick, I felt defeated and discouraged. So what did I do? You bet, I ate. For about four days, I just didn’t care. I counted no calories, I read no labels.
I still made better choices than I usually do when I go into binge mode, which makes me hopeful and happy. I didn’t give up, I knew that I was going to continue the journey. I didn’t eat until I was sick. I still exercised for five days last week. I got a lot done in my home. I did not lose myself to the binge.
So I was wrong in some ways, my first big battle came sooner than I had hoped it would, but I was right in that the face of the war is changing. I’m changing. I have better weapons, I’m getting stronger.
We’ll see what my weigh-in holds for me on Wednesday. I’m back to making good choices, counting those calories. I’m continuing the journey. I’m thankful for change.
So I know the difference when I am just not counting calories and when I veer into bingeing territory. I took some time off this weekend and I started off with just taking it easy, but by Sunday I was bingeing. I didn’t necessarily eat a lot, though I certainly consumed more calories than I usually do. I was eating and I wasn’t hungry, I was eating and it was because I wasn’t tracking that I wanted to eat everything I don’t usually have in a day. I work hard to not deny myself anything I want – I just save the calories. I just can’t have huge portions or have it all in one day.
I get so fed up with food addiction – it’s such a lame thing to be addicted to. Not that I want to be addicted to anything else, but it’s so frustrating to be addicted. The lack of control over is so hard. Why can’t I just not put the food into my mouth?
Anyway, I’m still struggling a bit today – not bingeing, but I’ve grabbed bites here and there. Bleh.
I am encouraging myself and deciding that one or two days of overeating doesn’t mean that I give up on the whole thing either for the day or for the week or for the year. A few bad choices doesn’t ruin my chances of success.
Making good, life-affirming choices for the rest of this day. One moment at a time.