We had a strange, surreal and wonderful weekend. We were basically snowed in all weekend. Every event, including church, was canceled. We did a lot of shoveling and playing in the snow. It was wonderful to just be home and cozy and have time with the family. It was great to be getting exercise everyday over the weekend.
I didn’t eat intuitively all weekend, but along the way I made good choices. It wasn’t a perfect weekend eating-wise, but I felt like those good choices were affirming to me and steps forward. I keep reminding myself that it’s a journey and a process. Truly trying to focus on the positive changes I am seeing.
Most of all at the moment, I want to be healthy and I have a long way to go. I am great with exercising and will continue to get better with that, but I want to see more changes in my relationship with food. I’ve never been fearful about health before as far as weight goes. I am a bit of a hypochondriac, but I’ve never felt like my weight has been having a negative effect on my health until the last year or so.
Intellectually, the answers are easy. Emotionally, the answers are not as easy. The solution is simple, but not easy to walk out.
One day at a time!
I’ve had a couple of good days. By good days, I mean that I have not been obsessing about food every waking moment. I’ve felt some peace.
I haven’t actually felt hunger pains every time I’ve eaten, but I certainly have been eating less often and in smaller quantities.
To not be thinking about food constantly is an amazing thing.
I’m sure that there will be tougher days ahead and I have had some moments when I’ve been tempted to make an unhealthy choice, but I will enjoy these days while I have them.
I also forget how cold I get when I eat less! Brrr. It doesn’t help that we’re in the middle of a winter storm and we’ve been below freezing for days. Right now it is 9F!
Feeling grateful and hopeful.
So after yesterday, I was excited to step on the scale this morning. I drank lots of water, didn’t binge, exercised – I was feeling great, motivated and confident. Sadly, when I stepped on the scale I was up about half a pound. So of course, I moved the scale around a bit on the floor and it showed me at the same weight as yesterday.
I was seriously bummed. It’s affected my mood all day. I’ve been unmotivated and sad. I’ve done ok on my eating, but wanted to have a huge binge so bad since it felt like it didn’t matter.
It’s not right that the scale should have that much power. To go, in moments, from confidence to hopelessness because of a number. Sigh.
I like that weighing myself daily can help me track what’s happening with my body, but I also know that I will need to distance myself from the scale at some point. Perhaps only weighing once a week, then once a month. I don’t know. I do know that I’m not quite ready yet. I have to deal with one addiction at a time!
Here’s to staying strong today and not giving in to the despair. Deep breaths.
I discovered Spark People a few years ago. I started using it to track calories and then workouts. Eventually I also started tracking other goals as well as weight and measurements. I love it. There are so many great features and so many areas I have yet to explore. There’s a great community section with teams and personal pages.
I love that I can save favorite foods and workouts. I can also input foods that aren’t in the database. It has a great app as well that I can use on the go for my phone and tablet.
I’ve used more and less features as needed. For me, at this point in my journey, tracking calories is very important. I can imagine a time when it won’t be as important, but for now it is and I’ve found Spark People to be an amazing resource. It’s also far more than a calorie counter. I’m still getting to know the site and all it has to offer. There are many inspiring success stories. I love that you can join teams and take part in challenges. You can find buddies if you need to, but it’s also ok to just hang out by yourself and use the tools that are offered. Did I mention that it’s all free?
If you are on Spark People already, feel free to look me up. My user name is Melncolyspark.
This isn’t a sponsored post, I just wanted to share one of the tools that I am using along the way.
I very rarely talk about my weight, my food struggles, my “diet” with anyone outside of my family. I’ve read different opinions on whether to talk about your efforts to lose weight with people. I’m a very private person, so I don’t usually talk about it.
I have friends of all different sizes and fitness levels. Some are always on a diet. Some seem to fluctuate a few pounds up and down without too much effort. Some are super fit. Some are super losers – friends who have worked really hard and lost significant amounts of weight. Some are naturally thin – making no effort to be fit or watch what they eat and still stay slim.
When I’m in the middle of a bad spell – bingeing and hiding, I don’t really want to hear about anyone’s weight loss efforts or struggles. When I’m in a good place, I can gain a lot of inspiration from others. I’ve been making a point of checking out a few of the weight loss blogs that featured on the Diet to Go Most Inspirational Weight Loss Bloggers of 2013.
Anyway, my boys and I met up with a friend of mine and her two kids for a playdate yesterday. She’s gorgeous. Truly gorgeous. I mentioned that I had been trying on some clothes that morning that hadn’t previously fit and she asked what I was doing. I talked about my workouts and a bit about my food plan. I talked about my struggle with diets and how I was determined never to go on a “diet” again. It was refreshing to talk about, but then she started to share about her own struggles. She loves to eat, she loves food – that’s why she works out so hard, so that she can eat. She said it’s getting more difficult as she gets older.
It was so comforting and liberating to talk about it with someone who is not family, who understands and who will not judge or blab. I’m not ready to go sharing with everyone I know, but I see the benefit of sharing with people you trust.
I’m thankful that we are not all the same, that beauty comes in every shape and size, that we are all human and we all have our struggles and that we each have an opportunity to encourage others. I’m thankful for my skinny friends.
Two and a half weeks into this journey with half a week “off”, but not crazy off and I’ve lost 6 pounds. I like the idea of saying “released” 6 pounds, but it sounds kind of cheesy. I am determined that there is no going back. My goal is to lose 58 pounds. I’ve lost 6 so that means that if I stick to my goal of an average of 1 pound a week, then one year from now, I will be at my goal weight. Summer will look quite different.
I actually took some time this morning to try on some clothes in my closet. I haven’t lost much, but I know I am feeling more confident, because I actually enjoyed it and am looking forward to trying some new outfits soon.
I do feel the desire to rush things, to lose it all quicker than my plan, but I am also feeling strong.
I took a few days off of posting – last week was super busy as my son was finishing up kindergarten and the same day we headed off to go camping. I didn’t track calories while we were gone, but I am pleased to report that I had a less than one pound gain. I made sure I took more nutritious snacks and we only prepared breakfast and dinner. It felt good to be able to go away and not be on a plan, but still maintain. I didn’t feel out of control most of the time.
I did fall into the Last Meal trap on Sunday night, knowing that today I would be counting calories again. I ate when I wasn’t hungry and more than I needed, just because I was going to be stricter again today. I didn’t enjoy it, it wasn’t satisfying at all. When will I learn? I do love fresh starts though. January and September are my favorite months because of that and Mondays are one of my favorite days because I can begin again.
I am excited though to still feel motivated and positive. The road before me is long. I am entering my third week, so two weeks under my belt and I feel good. I will report on my total loss on Wednesday.
Ah. The weekend wasn’t the worst, food-wise, but it wasn’t great. Then, yesterday, was completely sucky. I broke every “rule”, completely ignored my cues and felt miserable. When will I learn that food won’t really make me feel any better about life or myself?
Again, I am confronted by friends and people I know who are dieting and losing weight. I have a friend who starts Medifast tomorrow. It is so appealing to me. Just do something drastic to get a jump-start and then start eating intuitively. I want to have quick results. I know that it doesn’t work for me though. It is incredibly tempting.
It’s warming up here and so this morning I had the distinct displeasure of trying on shorts and capris. Hardly anything fit. Things that last year were fine. Sigh. So frustrating. I have so many fabulous clothes that I can’t wear. I love clothes and fashion and I find myself just looking for stuff that is comfy and covers me up.
I have been very sensitive to cues today and it’s tremendously empowering. I enjoy what I eat. It’s such a revolutionary concept if I can just learn to feed my emotional self in other ways besides food.
Anyway, I am feeling hopeful today. This is my life, these are my choices, I have choices. Thankful.
I’m tired. I have got to figure out this exhaustion thing if I am going to make changes in my life. It is so difficult.
Why can’t I feel satisfied when my body is satisfied? Getting this figured out will be key to being successful at changing my relationship with food.
Again, so tired.
I am feeling good about where I am going, but have so far to go. Mostly I just want to sleep. I’m also cold.
Happy, happy, cheerful post today.
It is what it is.
So I did pretty well yesterday. I responded to hunger cues when I needed to. Dinner, though, wasn’t a complete success. I was hungry when I started, but went beyond satisfied to a bit too full. Still, overall, I felt pretty good about yesterday.
Today, has been a bit iffy. Mostly doing ok. I had to deal with some jealousy this morning – regarding my son. Just some stuff with his schooling – he starts kindergarten in the Fall. I immediately felt the desire for my food drugs kick in. I started thinking about what I would eat for lunch when I got home. I proceeded with those plans, but I also tried to be very aware of what I was doing and allowed myself to do it. I also stopped before I had gone as far as I usually would have. I am believing that is progress.
Another thought on yesterday’s success. I get very cold when I don’t overeat. I need to keep this in mind for summer.