Category Archives: Body Image

Skinny Friends

I very rarely talk about my weight, my food struggles, my “diet” with anyone outside of my family. I’ve read different opinions on whether to talk about your efforts to lose weight with people. I’m a very private person, so I don’t usually talk about it.

I have friends of all different sizes and fitness levels. Some are always on a diet. Some seem to fluctuate a few pounds up and down without too much effort. Some are super fit. Some are super losers – friends who have worked really hard and lost significant amounts of weight. Some are naturally thin – making no effort to be fit or watch what they eat and still stay slim.

When I’m in the middle of a bad spell – bingeing and hiding, I don’t really want to hear about anyone’s weight loss efforts or struggles. When I’m in a good place, I can gain a lot of inspiration from others. I’ve been making a point of checking out a few of the weight loss blogs that featured on the Diet to Go Most Inspirational Weight Loss Bloggers of 2013.

Anyway, my boys and I met up with a friend of mine and her two kids for a playdate yesterday. She’s gorgeous. Truly gorgeous. I mentioned that I had been trying on some clothes that morning that hadn’t previously fit and she asked what I was doing. I talked about my workouts and a bit about my food plan. I talked about my struggle with diets and how I was determined never to go on a “diet” again. It was refreshing to talk about, but then she started to share about her own struggles. She loves to eat, she loves food – that’s why she works out so hard, so that she can eat. She said it’s getting more difficult as she gets older.

It was so comforting and liberating to talk about it with someone who is not family, who understands and who will not judge or blab. I’m not ready to go sharing with everyone I know, but I see the benefit of sharing with people you trust.

I’m thankful that we are not all the same, that beauty comes in every shape and size, that we are all human and we all have our struggles and that we each have an opportunity to encourage others. I’m thankful for my skinny friends.

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Weigh In Wednesday June 19, 2013

Two and a half weeks into this journey with half a week “off”, but not crazy off and I’ve lost 6 pounds. I like the idea of saying “released” 6 pounds, but it sounds kind of cheesy. I am determined that there is no going back. My goal is to lose 58 pounds. I’ve lost 6 so that means that if I stick to my goal of an average of 1 pound a week, then one year from now, I will be at my goal weight. Summer will look quite different.

I actually took some time this morning to try on some clothes in my closet. I haven’t lost much, but I know I am feeling more confident, because I actually enjoyed it and am looking forward to trying some new outfits soon.

I do feel the desire to rush things, to lose it all quicker than my plan, but I am also feeling strong.

First Week Euphoria

I’m having a great week! The first week of making changes is often pretty good. I feel motivated, my body is responding, I feel healthier. I need to remember these feelings when things get tough.

I thought I would talk a bit about my goals. In one of the diet books I read, I believe it was the Beck Solution, it talks about making a list of reasons why you want to lose weight. I did this ages ago, but got the list out again recently and updated it. I’ve been wrestling, recently, with the whole idea of losing weight and why I want to do it. I follow a couple of Fat Acceptance blogs and I appreciate the idea that society has imposed a false sense of beauty and acceptability on us. I truly believe that people who are fat can be healthy, athletic, beautiful and happy. I am trying to accept myself more in light of this. I also know that I am not healthy at the moment – I feel it. I’ve always been very healthy even when I’ve been on the heavier side, but I can feel it in my body that I am not healthy right now. I’m at risk for various diseases and disorders. There are several things that make me uncomfortable and unwell that I know would be dealt with if I lost weight.

My desire is not to be tiny. I’ve never been tiny, but I have been healthy and that’s what I am aiming for. Health is at the top of my list of reasons to lose weight. I have two young sons, ages 6 and 3. I had children at a later age and I need to be as healthy as possible so that I am around to see them grow and hopefully spend time with my grandchildren.

I want to lose 58 pounds. That still puts me in the overweight category, but it’s where I’ve been really comfortable. I’ve been at the high end of “acceptable” weight before and I was quite emaciated. I think I am just a heavy person and I’m ok with that.

There are other reasons that I have as well and I’ll go into some of those later. For now, I am feeling good and strong and able.

Making Changes

I’m tired, I’m weary, I’m fed up.

I’ve struggled with my weight, my relationship with food, myself for so long. I have read and tried so many diets/plans/lifestyle programs and I am worse off than ever I was.

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After looking into intuitive eating and the damage that is caused by dieting, I am terribly afraid of going on a diet. The last one I went on was a competition-based diet. I lost 13 pounds and have since regained all of it and feel like I am still responding to it by bingeing and compulsive eating. That was six months ago.

I’ve been waiting for something to click in my head and just “get” it. To be able to eat naturally and intuitively. Nothing has clicked. I am 41 years old and I haven’t figured this thing out.

I have so much knowledge and yet I feel like I fail so miserably in this area of my life.

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I was talking to my husband yesterday about this and my renewed determination to change. I am going to be counting calories and tracking my workouts. I am going to work on good habits and focus on this area of my life. I said to him that although this new way of doing things isn’t “natural”, I didn’t become this heavy in a natural way either. It was the result of out of control eating. So for now, I am imposing some control on myself.

I am taking lessons learned from all the diets I’ve tried, all the books I’ve read and I’m making my own plan. I’ll outline that in a future post. While┬áI do believe that diets are unhealthy overall and that they do more damage than good, there are things I’ve read and learned along the way that are helpful and healthful for me.

I am taking charge and doing the things that I know I can do, things that will move me forward. I know I don’t have all the answers now and I will face things in the future that I’m not sure how I’ll deal with, but I am doing something now and we’ll see where it leads.