Monthly Archives: June 2013

Summer Party Pooper

So Summer is my least favorite season. There are things I like about it – plants growing, lots of fresh fruit and veg, swimming, barbecues, relaxed schedule. Now if we could have all those things while never going about 65F, I’d be a happy camper.

I am super blessed to live in an area where Summer comes late, as in, it’s only starting right now for us. Many houses, including ours, don’t have air conditioning because it usually cools down quite nicely at night and doesn’t stay super hot for long throughout the year. Still, it’s not my favorite.

I don’t like being hot. At all. My exercise suffers – I still do it, I just don’t push as hard. I feel uncomfortable. Bleh. Whine, whine, whine. Let’s not even go into finding Summer clothes that are 1. Attractive, 2. Cool (temperature) and 3. Cool (style). Sigh. I wish I could enjoy Summer more. I know that dropping pounds will help that some, but even if I could walk around in a bikini all day and look amazing – I still don’t like being hot.

Anyway, at three and a bit weeks into this journey, I’ve lost 8 pounds. I didn’t do a Weigh In Wednesday as this week has been super busy. It feels good. I still haven’t noticed a big difference in my size, but I certainly feel better health-wise. My gut doesn’t hurt at night, I have more energy – not heaps more, but more and I just feel good.

I have to keep reminding myself that this is a slow and steady journey – one that will not end, no matter what size, weight or shape I end up at. I simply can’t go back to that life of bingeing and fear. While I know that I set out to have a slow and steady journey, I still want it all to happen so much quicker than it is happening and that is with pretty impressive losses so far. I just want to be able to wear all my clothes!

I continue to move forward. Eat less, move more, but mostly eat less. It’s simple, but not always easy. I’ve had some issues with hunger lately that I’ve never encountered before and I’m not entirely sure what to do about it. I don’t want to ignore my actual physical hunger, but I also want to stick with my plan. I need to think about it some more.

Also frustrated with the fact that I was on my plan the other day, had a skinny mocha with friends and still gained weight that day. I guess that’s part of the problem with weighing everyday. I may give that up at some point, but I’m not ready yet.

I’m still here, I’m still motivated, I’m still excited about the future.


Skinny Friends

I very rarely talk about my weight, my food struggles, my “diet” with anyone outside of my family. I’ve read different opinions on whether to talk about your efforts to lose weight with people. I’m a very private person, so I don’t usually talk about it.

I have friends of all different sizes and fitness levels. Some are always on a diet. Some seem to fluctuate a few pounds up and down without too much effort. Some are super fit. Some are super losers – friends who have worked really hard and lost significant amounts of weight. Some are naturally thin – making no effort to be fit or watch what they eat and still stay slim.

When I’m in the middle of a bad spell – bingeing and hiding, I don’t really want to hear about anyone’s weight loss efforts or struggles. When I’m in a good place, I can gain a lot of inspiration from others. I’ve been making a point of checking out a few of the weight loss blogs that featured on the Diet to Go Most Inspirational Weight Loss Bloggers of 2013.

Anyway, my boys and I met up with a friend of mine and her two kids for a playdate yesterday. She’s gorgeous. Truly gorgeous. I mentioned that I had been trying on some clothes that morning that hadn’t previously fit and she asked what I was doing. I talked about my workouts and a bit about my food plan. I talked about my struggle with diets and how I was determined never to go on a “diet” again. It was refreshing to talk about, but then she started to share about her own struggles. She loves to eat, she loves food – that’s why she works out so hard, so that she can eat. She said it’s getting more difficult as she gets older.

It was so comforting and liberating to talk about it with someone who is not family, who understands and who will not judge or blab. I’m not ready to go sharing with everyone I know, but I see the benefit of sharing with people you trust.

I’m thankful that we are not all the same, that beauty comes in every shape and size, that we are all human and we all have our struggles and that we each have an opportunity to encourage others. I’m thankful for my skinny friends.

Weigh In Wednesday June 19, 2013

Two and a half weeks into this journey with half a week “off”, but not crazy off and I’ve lost 6 pounds. I like the idea of saying “released” 6 pounds, but it sounds kind of cheesy. I am determined that there is no going back. My goal is to lose 58 pounds. I’ve lost 6 so that means that if I stick to my goal of an average of 1 pound a week, then one year from now, I will be at my goal weight. Summer will look quite different.

I actually took some time this morning to try on some clothes in my closet. I haven’t lost much, but I know I am feeling more confident, because I actually enjoyed it and am looking forward to trying some new outfits soon.

I do feel the desire to rush things, to lose it all quicker than my plan, but I am also feeling strong.

Monday, Monday

I took a few days off of posting – last week was super busy as my son was finishing up kindergarten and the same day we headed off to go camping. I didn’t track calories while we were gone, but I am pleased to report that I had a less than one pound gain. I made sure I took more nutritious snacks and we only prepared breakfast and dinner. It felt good to be able to go away and not be on a plan, but still maintain. I didn’t feel out of control most of the time.

I did fall into the Last Meal trap on Sunday night, knowing that today I would be counting calories again. I ate when I wasn’t hungry and more than I needed, just because I was going to be stricter again today. I didn’t enjoy it, it wasn’t satisfying at all. When will I learn? I do love fresh starts though. January and September are my favorite months because of that and Mondays are one of my favorite days because I can begin again.

I am excited though to still feel motivated and positive. The road before me is long. I am entering my third week, so two weeks under my belt and I feel good. I will report on my total loss on Wednesday.

Summer’s Coming

I really dislike exercising when it’s hot. I live in Central Oregon and it doesn’t get terribly hot here, at least not for very long. Many houses, including ours, do not have air conditioning. I get up at 5:30 am to ride my stationary bike for 30 minutes. It’s definitely warming up and it’s about 74 degrees in the living room in the morning. I open the doors and windows and it helps, but it’s still too warm.

I definitely don’t/can’t work out as hard as I usually do. Sigh. Still, I’m doing it. I have never regretted a workout that I can remember. Even when it’s difficult, it’s always worth it.

Still feeling good about this week. Thankful that it’s been “easy” so far – it’s a nice way to start out.

You’ve probably seen this quote flying around on blogs and Pinterest: “It takes 4 weeks for you to notice your body changing, 8 weeks for your friends to notice, and 12 weeks for the rest of the world to notice. Give it 12 weeks. Don’t QUIT!”

I actually think it’s a great quote though I seriously doubt there’s much science behind it and who knows who actually said it in the first place. I’m not feeling a lot of change in my body as far as size goes, but my gut sure is happy. I usually have stomach pains most nights and that is gone. I am certainly sleeping better and have a better outlook on life.

I’m excited to see more changes in my size though. I have a wardrobe full of clothes that are just waiting to be worn.

I’ve actually mentioned a couple more of my reasons for losing weight. The health of my gut and to be able to wear every item of clothing in my wardrobe. I seriously have some amazing clothes – I love vintage and unique items. Whatever my size, I always try to dress creatively, but I could do so much more with all the rest of my cool clothes.

I’ve had a few stressful things happen this week and I wasn’t overly tempted to eat in response. I am definitely an emotional eater – it’s my go to drug of choice. That will be the hardest thing for me, I know. Working on different coping skills.

Baby Steps

It is so tempting when I think about “going on a diet” or starting a new program, that I will lose a MINIMUM of two pounds every week. I look toward the future and crunch the numbers and decide that I will have lost all the weight and reached my goal in approximately 6 or 7 months.

That’s what I want to happen. That’s never happened. My sister has lost 60 pounds over the course of two years without going on a diet – just being more conscious of her eating habits.

So, going into this, this time, my goal is lose an average of one pound per week. There will be weeks when I lose more, weeks when I lose, weeks when I don’t lose and weeks that I might just gain a bit. I’m keeping the expectations low, but not with a defeatist attitude, with a realistic attitude knowing that slow and steady is more likely to produce lasting results.

I’ve lost well above one pound so far this week and that feels fantastic. I’ll need that boost down the road I am sure.

My plan for weighing in was going to be on Mondays, but I think I will do my official weigh in on Wednesdays in the future.

First Week Euphoria

I’m having a great week! The first week of making changes is often pretty good. I feel motivated, my body is responding, I feel healthier. I need to remember these feelings when things get tough.

I thought I would talk a bit about my goals. In one of the diet books I read, I believe it was the Beck Solution, it talks about making a list of reasons why you want to lose weight. I did this ages ago, but got the list out again recently and updated it. I’ve been wrestling, recently, with the whole idea of losing weight and why I want to do it. I follow a couple of Fat Acceptance blogs and I appreciate the idea that society has imposed a false sense of beauty and acceptability on us. I truly believe that people who are fat can be healthy, athletic, beautiful and happy. I am trying to accept myself more in light of this. I also know that I am not healthy at the moment – I feel it. I’ve always been very healthy even when I’ve been on the heavier side, but I can feel it in my body that I am not healthy right now. I’m at risk for various diseases and disorders. There are several things that make me uncomfortable and unwell that I know would be dealt with if I lost weight.

My desire is not to be tiny. I’ve never been tiny, but I have been healthy and that’s what I am aiming for. Health is at the top of my list of reasons to lose weight. I have two young sons, ages 6 and 3. I had children at a later age and I need to be as healthy as possible so that I am around to see them grow and hopefully spend time with my grandchildren.

I want to lose 58 pounds. That still puts me in the overweight category, but it’s where I’ve been really comfortable. I’ve been at the high end of “acceptable” weight before and I was quite emaciated. I think I am just a heavy person and I’m ok with that.

There are other reasons that I have as well and I’ll go into some of those later. For now, I am feeling good and strong and able.

Making Changes

I’m tired, I’m weary, I’m fed up.

I’ve struggled with my weight, my relationship with food, myself for so long. I have read and tried so many diets/plans/lifestyle programs and I am worse off than ever I was.

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After looking into intuitive eating and the damage that is caused by dieting, I am terribly afraid of going on a diet. The last one I went on was a competition-based diet. I lost 13 pounds and have since regained all of it and feel like I am still responding to it by bingeing and compulsive eating. That was six months ago.

I’ve been waiting for something to click in my head and just “get” it. To be able to eat naturally and intuitively. Nothing has clicked. I am 41 years old and I haven’t figured this thing out.

I have so much knowledge and yet I feel like I fail so miserably in this area of my life.

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I was talking to my husband yesterday about this and my renewed determination to change. I am going to be counting calories and tracking my workouts. I am going to work on good habits and focus on this area of my life. I said to him that although this new way of doing things isn’t “natural”, I didn’t become this heavy in a natural way either. It was the result of out of control eating. So for now, I am imposing some control on myself.

I am taking lessons learned from all the diets I’ve tried, all the books I’ve read and I’m making my own plan. I’ll outline that in a future post. While I do believe that diets are unhealthy overall and that they do more damage than good, there are things I’ve read and learned along the way that are helpful and healthful for me.

I am taking charge and doing the things that I know I can do, things that will move me forward. I know I don’t have all the answers now and I will face things in the future that I’m not sure how I’ll deal with, but I am doing something now and we’ll see where it leads.